Oh Goodness...and THE Talk

A few days ago, I had "the" talk with someone. Long story short, the timing was off, and a relationship wouldn't work. Since this happened, I have begun to wonder why it wouldn't--here's what I've come up with so far:

1. I'm leaving in 8 weeks

2. I've gone down this particular road and I'm over it

3. I'm finally discovering how to be myself. This has taken me longer than it should have. For the past five years I've either had boyfriends, was getting over relationships, blah, blah, blah. Long story short, for the first time since I was a sophmore in high school, I'm on my own. My sisters aren't here and I don't have to worry about the feelings or schedule of another person. I'm learning who I am. This was a liberating discovery and it was a long time coming. I am learning to act for myself and not trying to always please others. For the past 6 months I've noticed a change in my attitude, my outlook on life, and even how I dress. I'm setting my own standards and not trying to fit into a mold that someone else constructed. I've never been the type to fall victim to trends or completely change who I am. I have, however, been liable to act in accordance with the expectations of others rather than by how I truly feel.

In this road of self-discovery, I've learned to be more sensitive to the needs of others in addition to being more honest with them. I've always spoken my opinions and thoughts, but at the times when it mattered most or when I would expose a part of myself, I was hesitant. This is slowly changing. Honestly one of the times that I was the most scared was while playing the guitar. I am not good at all. Believe me. However, for about 2 solid months last summer I learned to play a song by the Goo Goo Dolls. The first time I played and sang it together, I was with 2 other people. I could only get through the first verse because I was so mortified of revealing a part of myself. I was nearly in tears when I stopped playing. Neither of them know this, but at that moment I was doing something that I had learned by myself and playing the song was something that only I could have done for me.

This has been one of the more serious posts, but I had to write it down somewhere. So that was my uber deep thought for the day. Yippee. This is where this thought train ends, so happy November, everyone!