Halloween Time Again in the Land of the Lost!!!

For starters, I don't actually know what I meant by that. I thought it sounded sweet and it is Halloween in three days so....it works. My costume is done and last night I made another one. This other one was not for me, one of my friends is being the pink yip-yip from Sesame Street. Also, as a coincidence, one of my other friends is also being a dinosaur. We didn't know about each other's costumes beforehand. On that note, in our little party on Saturday night we will also have a dino hunter (aka cavemen) and a meteor. Freakin' sweet.

For life in general, older sis #1 is in the hospital with pregnancy complications, I've been practicing the guitar more, I'm in the middle of reading "Catcher in the Rye", and I've rediscovered how much I love Something Corporate. It's been snowing and I'm ready to GET OUT OF HERE. School has been good and life is fine, but I'm ready for a change. I'm still waiting on the acceptance letter from the school in Ireland; as soon as that puppy gets here I'm buying a plane ticket. I saw "Paper Heart" the other night, it was kind of strange, but I enjoyed it. That's about all I've got for now. Peace out.

...and Back to the Dino Suits

Yeah, buddy! The dino suit is becoming reality. Today my boss and 4 of the 6 kids came down with the oinker. That's right-swine flu. Needless to say, I did not go to work (eventually I did, but was no where near any of the infected). So what was I to do, how was I to proceed? Halloween is in less than 2 weeks, so I made a quick trip to JoAnn's. 5 1/2 yards of fleece, 1 zipper, 1 pattern (for $.99 regularly $9.95, score!), and 2 packages of elastic later, I was set. Tonight when I got home, I went to work. This is the first costume of any difficulty I have ever attempted to sew and I must say thus far it is successful. All I have left to do are the feet and the head. Sweet.

I also had a test today. I didn't really study for it at all. I hope it ends up ok. Other than that, nothing new and exciting here. I AM HALFWAY THROUGH THE SEMESTER. That's exciting. That's all I've got for now, so I'll leave you with a text that Nelson Mandela made famous, but did not write:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear
is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness,
that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually who are we not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people
won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine as children do.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And when we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

- Marianne Williamson

P.S. 10 points to the first person to leave a comment naming the movie quoted somewhere in this post, not including anything in the poem by M.W.

Billy, There Will Be No Jibberish Tonight!

I have been 98% blind-sided in a recent turn of events. Recent as in the last 2 hours. I have been asked on a date to a formal dance, 1 date a week for the next unspecified number of weeks, and 1 proclamation of love has been given to me. Wow. And all by the same person. For clarification and de-creeper status purposes, this is someone who I have known very well for the past few years. They have been my best friend and know everything about me. Here comes the kink in the situation; for awhile they made it very clear that we were just friends and didn't want anything past that, so naturally I believed them and got over the feelings I had for them at the time. And now this. WHAMO. Just like a ton of bricks.

Given the situation, I had to talk to someone. Older sis numero dos decided not to answer her phone. So a friend on a road trip was the lucky recipient of the call. He and his 2 male road tripping buddies gave me all the dating advice they could muster through the laughing. They proceeded to ask if I wanted advice from the frat guys in the house in which they are staying. I said no. NOT FUNNY. This is a problem. Oh dear.

Onto a less convoluted note, I have a test on Tuesday. I've missed class a couple of days during this unit, I haven't read the book or the notes, and I have lost any and all ambition to study. Hmmmm.....this doesn't make me sound like a slacker at all. I now have to go to bed so I can study in the morning. Peace out, homie.

I'm Over It, But in The Mean Time...

Hmmmm.....how to start. Random observation of the day: I'm pretty sure Montana is the only place where it is possible to see a kid riding a long board, snow on the ground, icy sidewalks, and wearing Carhartt pants. Oh yeah. We rock. Over the weekend I had to write an essay and finally finished around 8 a.m. this morning. Also in good news, the semester is almost half way over! Next week will be the marker. What a weird sort of semester this has been and it has been going by SUPER fast! I am already tired of the snow, but did just make a delightful pan of hot cocoa..from scratch. This is pretty much the extent of my cooking skills besides the amazing fry bread that I whip up on occasion. So, this is where I leave you to ponder. 'Ponder on what' you may ask, I will tell you. This is the Gettysburg Address. The first line is famous, but surprisingly few people have actually read the whole thing. It's good stuff. Enjoy!

"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."

-Abraham Lincoln, November 19, 1863

By the way, the title for this post comes from the song "Push Me Away" by the Last Goodnight. It is amazing and has been playing on my iTunes for the past couple days.

Wowza. Hello, October.

Here's the deal. I had an uber busy week--group projects due, tests, studying, snow (lame), people randomly leaving stuff inside my house (I'll get to this later), and all of the other wonderfulness that comes with being a college student. However, regardless of all of this, tonight is the biggest thing that's happened to me since...I actually don't know what. Wisdom teeth removal last Christmas maybe? Who knows. Anyway, about six months or a year ago I decided that I wanted to study abroad. I decided on Ireland and I turned in my application last week. I got the acceptance (heck yes. acceptance) letter back today. I went to Midnight Mania on campus, then watched a movie, then came home. I got the letter at precisely 3:34 a.m. I called someone (oh yes, someone) at 3:35 a.m. to tell them the news. We are celebrating tomorrow night after an ugly-sweater-themed quadruple date (set up by an ex-boyfriend. awkward?). As of right now I am quite torn. I've finally started to figure things out on the homefront and now I have the opportunity to live abroad in IRELAND for six months? Oh geez. This will take some pondering.

Onto random people coming to my house when I'm not home. Monday: Service project for church involving picking up apples. Three guys ended up with seven bags of apples and decided that I desperately needed them. They came to my house, no one was home but the front door was unlocked, they came in and put them in the fridge. The next morning I actually got stuff out of the fridge and never noticed the huge bag. Wow. How observant of me. Tuesday: One of my friends came to my house and my roommate let him in. He left a bouquet of flowers, a card, and a box of chocolates on my bed. Hmmm......complicates things. Wednesday: The aforementioned ex-boyfriend that set up the quadruple date left a sizable box of potatoes in my kitchen. He was also let into my house by my roommate. For clarification purposes, he and his roommates randomly ended up with 200 pounds of potatoes, so they are currently trying to give them away. Or leave them places.

Oh goodness gracious. It is 4:12 in the morning and I have to write a 5-15 page paper tomorrow. I have not done the research, nor started it in any way. In addition to this, I have an assignment using Accel due tomorrow night and I had no idea this said assignment even existed until about 6:30 p.m. this evening. So, here I leave you. Scratch that. This first: "I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams." Nifty little quote, eh? From the movie "Equilibrium" a.k.a. the movie we watched tonight. It is excellent and I would highly recommend it.

Procrastinating Sounds Like a Good Idea Given the Alternative

So, my friends, all hope is not lost. Today I had some big plans for doing homework. These plans were interrupted by a certain guitar-wielding young man and I couldn't be happier about it. I had a delightful day that led to a strangely enjoyable early morning that involved Lean Pockets and watching "Home Improvement" for a few solid hours. Yep. My Saturday in a nutshell. Holy guacamole... :) That's about all I've got for now. Other than this. This is a monologue given in "Good Will Hunting". It's not reflective of anything in my life right now, but it's still pretty sweet. Enjoy!

"...So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, "once more unto the breach dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you... I don't see an intelligent, confident man... I see a cocky, scared kid. But you're a genius. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you."

"Pretty in Pink" Called and They Want Their Plot Back

Yep. My life. Right now. At least in the movie it only takes and hour and a half to find out how the story ends. Mine has been ongoing for the past 3 1/2 months and I'm thinking it's time to give up.

On a not-similar note, I went to "(500) Days of Summer" tonight and it was quite thought provoking. For anyone that has ever been in a relationship and gotten their heart obliterated, you will be able to appreciate it (but only if the hurting is gone). It tells a story of a first love and the bittersweet memories that it undoubtedly brings back. It is quite accurate in how a broken heart feels and the agony of moving on and letting go. It was slightly painful to watch, but I would highly recommend it--it was funny and off-beat. Ok, I'm over the movie review.

I discovered a new song yesterday, it's called "Just Like Heaven" originally by The Cure. I found a remake by Gatsby's American Dream and I think I like it better than the original (sorry all you fans of The Cure). Here are the lyrics:

"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven

Goodness, sorry if this post has been a downer. I have honestly had one of the most stressful weeks of my life and I'm not handling it very well.

Mustery-Blustery-Snowy Days

It is snowing right now; you may have already guessed that. I woke up and it was raining, then I looked outside and it had turned to snow. While it was not the most welcome of suprises, it gave me an excuse to wear fun boots today, with a skirt, to a fancy hooplah of sorts. Yeah, buddy! So, I'm over that topic, seeing as how I'll have to trudge through it and all of its wonderful, white powdery glory for the rest of the day.

Onto the next topic. Last night as I was trying to sleep, I had a song stuck in my head, and for the life of me I can't remember what it was. But what I realized was that one of the hardest things in life to do is to let go. Let go of our past, let go of our childhood home, who we were, past relationships, friends we once had, grudges, love, and things even as simple as a shirt that was once your favorite and you know you will never wear it again. By letting go I don't mean forgetting it all, changing who you are and always have been to become someone you're not, leaving those you care about behind and forgotten, or in any way denying your past. People change and so do priorities. New friends are gained, relationships formed, and new memories are made (in case you are concerned, I still enjoy going home to see my parents, talking to my friends that I've known since 3rd grade, and I will be the first to show you all of my wonderfully awkward high school yearbooks, but these are not the things around which I base my life. I also do hang out with at least one of my sibilings on a daily basis, and either talk to or write to the other two, so I'm still very close to my family). I've just discovered that by focusing on the past, we miss what is right in front of us.

So, that is my mini tyrade about letting go (it was so provocative, I know). It is healthy and I've discovered that it keeps me from going crazy. For example, last night I started to clean my bedroom and just started chucking stuff in the garbage. It was quite liberating. Also liberating is meeting new people, trying new things, and generally breaking out of the mold that we've constructed for ourselves. That is my wonderful thought for the day. I hope it wasn't too much of a downer, because it really wasn't supposed to be. I've just discovered that focusing on the past will throw off the groove of all of the delightful, random, new experiences that we could be having.

As a note, nothing has happened recently to spur this.

Another Day in the Neighborhood

Here I am, sitting at work. I should be studying for a test I have next week, but I have a raging head cold, so I figure I won't retain anything, right? Right. Excellent plan. While I do have a nasty bout of sinus congestion, etc., etc., as luck would have it, last night the electricity went out forcing me to go bed early, which has helped. Anywho, to keep avoiding studying for the aforementioned test, I am posting a speech that I found while Stumbling (http://www.stumbleupon.com/). It you've never used this, when you get bored, give it a shot. You will be entertained for hours. Kurt Vonnegut gave this speech as the commencement address for MIT in 1997. Here it is, enjoy! :)

"Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen."

Relationship Angst and Dinosaur Suits

The two subjects in the title are in no way related. That would be weird. Onto the post:

I'll set the scene for you: Boy and girl become friends. Girl starts to get attracted to boy in a way that is more than friends. Girl does not know how boy feels about her and is too shy/scared to ask. This is pretty much the story as of late. I have no idea how he feels and I don't understand his signals at all and it is driving me crazy. I'm also unfortunately located where dating, relationships and all that wonderful jazz is driven into my skull on a daily basis. In addition, it seems like everyone I know is married, pregnant, engaged, actually involved in a functioning relationship, or in a combination of two. Lame sauce. I am driving myself crazy over this.

On a more upbeat note (sorry for the rant, by the way), it is once again the time of year for football games, leaf crunching, and brisk mornings. I'm a big fan of warm weather, but fall is always a delightful time of year for me. I love the warm afternoons and the fact that Halloween is quickly approaching. That is one of my favorite holidays, seeing as how one of my favorite past-times is finding any excuse I can to dress up (formally, costumes, or any other occasion works for me).

Last year I made had an epic costume. I found a glittery white and gold prom dress in my closet, discovered a blonde Dolly Parton wig in my shed, spent a little money at the party store and BAM! I was an angel. I'll find pics and post them. Anyway, this for this year I still need to come up with something. The only stipulations I have for costumes are as follows: 1. Nothing scary. I still have horrible nightmares and I am 20 years old. 2. No clowns--this relates to stipulation #1, seeing as how clowns are frightening. 3. Halloween is a time to wear something that really cannot be worn at any other time of the year. Take for example, a full size dinosaur suit. Actually, I was in a bunny suit yesterday so...maybe #3 can be thrown out.

Halloween costumes will require some thought, but for now I'll leave you with a delightful thought from Colbie Caillat relating to my lack of relationship: "I am trying not to tell you, but I want to, I'm scared of what you'll say so I'm hiding what I'm feeling, but I'm tired of holding this inside my head."